that's how a dear friend of mine signs her emails....Peace, Love and Understanding..... that really says it all....
I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and believe me, I'm wearing my pink ;) But it's also Bullying Prevention Awareness Month. In light of that, I thought I'd take a few moments and share my thoughts....
As a kid, I was tall, skinny and needed braces on my teeth..... we didn't have "bullying" laws....we didn't even consider the fact that bullying was a real issue among our generation, but if being called names, and being made fun of for your physical appearance is considered bullying, then I guess I was bullied. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming bullying for my less than stellar grade point average in college, I'm not trying to say that it took over my life, or depressed me to the point that I holed up in my room. I'm not blaming bullying for poor life choices, or low self esteem, I'm simply saying that, in reality, unless you were the most beautiful, or most popular, you have probably experienced some form of bullying.
Here's the way I see it.... even to this day, I have allowed myself to be bullied. I have, in the name of peace, allowed certain things to slide. I have learned to ignore, and I have grown a thick skin to name calling, screaming, yelling and intimidation. I am an adult. Unfortunately, there are people in my world who are bullies. One, in particular, but for the sake of peace, I won't name names. To this day, I am regularly assaulted by text, and internet. I am threatened and called names, whenever my bully takes a notion to do so.
In this day and age of Internet anonymity, bullying has become more and more prevalent. Cowardly people, under the cover of email and social networking are bullying our youth, and it doesn't stop there. I'm sure, by now, everyone has seen the video of the overweight reporter who was bullied by email. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLG5EmC2TsU She took a stand, and she made a good point.... if you are a bully, you are raising bullies. If you are home, using foul language, and calling people names, so are your children. If you are watching tv, saying, "look at that fat reporter" your children will go to school and call people fat.
I have seen this with students and children with whom I'm close. Admittedly, I have even seen this in my own children, at times. When children are raised in an environment where foul language, name calling, and intimidation are acceptable forms of communication, and a common way of dealing with issues and treating people, these kids not only believe that that is an acceptable way to act, but also do not even recognize that they are themselves becoming bullies. Children raised in homes where bullying is the norm do not even understand that what they are doing is bullying. How can they? They see dad yelling, screaming and name calling. It becomes the norm.
To teach children that if you don't agree with someone, it's ok to call them names is an atrocity. To teach children that they do not need to be tolerant of the differences they might have with others is reproachable. To teach children that the way to deal with issues is to scream, yell, and name call, is not only a disservice to them, but also to our entire world. Bullies raise bullies...what that means for us is that we won't have peace in our homes, schools, communities, or even the world, until we start living by example. We can't live and let live until we start practicing peace within ourselves. It starts with you. It starts with one person. It extends to all who you touch, everyday. When you have an inner peace, you exude that. You live it, your children learn it. They learn patience, peace, tolerance and understanding.
The ever elusive "world peace" that each and every Miss America Contestant longs for, starts with one person....you.
And while I do not claim to be perfect myself, with this problem of bullying becoming a national epidemic, I am making a promise to myself and to my children to try to set a better example. One of peace, love and understanding.....
Life is short. Buy the shoes ;)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Respect yourself.....
A few days ago, I asked my Facebook friends to give me their best piece of advice. Something that they have learned from being a woman....maybe something that they learned the hard way.... There was a lot of really good advice on there.... there were things as simple as make sure you always have your cell phone charged, and always have a $20 tucked away for emergencies. There were also very profound thoughts such as: "Let your life be the light that God has naturally intended it to be" and " Sometimes, finding out who
you really are inside happens when you run out of easy options. When you
face the hardest stuff is when you first face who you are." One of my favorites was, " Always find time to laugh with your girlfriends." I would invite you to go to my Facebook page to read the full list.....or maybe I can copy and paste it at the end of the blog..... either way, it's really worth reading. I enjoyed reading all of the posts, and I am still in awe of my many girlfriends, and what they have all learned and accomplished throughout their lives.
As you know, I have two daughters myself, one married, and one still in those very scary teen years. I can give them all of the advice I have to offer, I can show them right from wrong, and I can tell them what I've learned from my mistakes, but the bottom line is, you have to walk your own path. You have to make your own choices, good and bad, and you have to live with the consequences.....and sometimes, bad choices make the best learning experiences.
I think as mothers, sisters, aunts, friends....we need to impart as much wisdom as we can, not only while our girls are young, but all the way throughout the different ages and stages of life. I know when all else fails, Mom is always there. Even when I was going through things she couldn't even imagine going through (because my Dad is a good man and would never hurt my mom) she was still there with the comfort only a mom can offer.
Here's the bottom line. You start off "adulthood" thinking you know it all. Thinking you are going to take life by the horns. Thinking that you are unbreakable....and then, after a little heartache, a little disappointment, and a lot of hard work, you figure out who you really are.
The first time I got married I was so young. I thought that love was all we needed, much like the Beetles song.... the problem with that concept is that BOTH parties have to feel that way. I was told I was too young, I didn't listen. I was told we'd never make it, which only added fuel to my fire. But one person can't do it alone. You cannot have a partnership....let alone a marriage.... with only one interested partner. This is where, the "trust your gut" and "know who you are" advice comes into play, however; you can't "know who you are" when you're still a kid. You haven't figured it out yet. I had no idea "who I was" when I was 16 or 17. You can't begin to understand the consequences of your choices until you have a full formed frontal lobe... TWENTY-FIVE, people!!! That's when you start to be able to reason, and use logic...25!!!! No one should marry before that!
As women, we don't really have a good understanding of who we are, and want we want and need from a partner until we are in our 30's. I know there are no hard and fast rules, and I know that there are plenty of you who married young, and it's true love, and everything worked out great....but you can't tell me it was easy. Marriage is sometimes tough, and you really need to have not only love, but also an understanding for who you are as a person, and a mutual respect for your partner. That's what will carry you through the tough times. That and a very strong commitment to the relationship.
The first time around, for me, I never felt respected. I didn't realize what that even meant when we were first married. But my mom's words ring in my ears, "If he respects you, he'll wait." She was right. There was never that respect. It didn't mean anything to me, until I knew who I was, and I knew that I deserved respect as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman.
There were so many things lacking in my life that I didn't even realize until I went through a lot of heartache, and an immeasurable amount of pain.... but I came through it with a good understanding of what I'm made of.... who I am....and what I want and need. And what have I learned? My best piece of advice? Always respect yourself, even when you don't really know who you are, or what you want from life, respect yourself, and others will have that same respect for you. It's a start....
It hasn't been an easy journey, and I'm still working hard to get where I want to be in life, but I now have a husband who will never let me down, and who will always support me. Having a mature relationship, based on love first, but also mutual respect and a strong sense of commitment is so different from what I've had in the past. It's an amazing feeling, and it's totally empowering. I feel like there's nothing that we can't accomplish together. I also know, in my heart, that anything I set out to do for myself, I have all of the love and support I could ever need.... I love you, honey. <3
Here's all of the great advice I got on my wall..... it's all very blog-worthy......
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
As you know, I have two daughters myself, one married, and one still in those very scary teen years. I can give them all of the advice I have to offer, I can show them right from wrong, and I can tell them what I've learned from my mistakes, but the bottom line is, you have to walk your own path. You have to make your own choices, good and bad, and you have to live with the consequences.....and sometimes, bad choices make the best learning experiences.
I think as mothers, sisters, aunts, friends....we need to impart as much wisdom as we can, not only while our girls are young, but all the way throughout the different ages and stages of life. I know when all else fails, Mom is always there. Even when I was going through things she couldn't even imagine going through (because my Dad is a good man and would never hurt my mom) she was still there with the comfort only a mom can offer.
Here's the bottom line. You start off "adulthood" thinking you know it all. Thinking you are going to take life by the horns. Thinking that you are unbreakable....and then, after a little heartache, a little disappointment, and a lot of hard work, you figure out who you really are.
The first time I got married I was so young. I thought that love was all we needed, much like the Beetles song.... the problem with that concept is that BOTH parties have to feel that way. I was told I was too young, I didn't listen. I was told we'd never make it, which only added fuel to my fire. But one person can't do it alone. You cannot have a partnership....let alone a marriage.... with only one interested partner. This is where, the "trust your gut" and "know who you are" advice comes into play, however; you can't "know who you are" when you're still a kid. You haven't figured it out yet. I had no idea "who I was" when I was 16 or 17. You can't begin to understand the consequences of your choices until you have a full formed frontal lobe... TWENTY-FIVE, people!!! That's when you start to be able to reason, and use logic...25!!!! No one should marry before that!
As women, we don't really have a good understanding of who we are, and want we want and need from a partner until we are in our 30's. I know there are no hard and fast rules, and I know that there are plenty of you who married young, and it's true love, and everything worked out great....but you can't tell me it was easy. Marriage is sometimes tough, and you really need to have not only love, but also an understanding for who you are as a person, and a mutual respect for your partner. That's what will carry you through the tough times. That and a very strong commitment to the relationship.
The first time around, for me, I never felt respected. I didn't realize what that even meant when we were first married. But my mom's words ring in my ears, "If he respects you, he'll wait." She was right. There was never that respect. It didn't mean anything to me, until I knew who I was, and I knew that I deserved respect as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman.
There were so many things lacking in my life that I didn't even realize until I went through a lot of heartache, and an immeasurable amount of pain.... but I came through it with a good understanding of what I'm made of.... who I am....and what I want and need. And what have I learned? My best piece of advice? Always respect yourself, even when you don't really know who you are, or what you want from life, respect yourself, and others will have that same respect for you. It's a start....
It hasn't been an easy journey, and I'm still working hard to get where I want to be in life, but I now have a husband who will never let me down, and who will always support me. Having a mature relationship, based on love first, but also mutual respect and a strong sense of commitment is so different from what I've had in the past. It's an amazing feeling, and it's totally empowering. I feel like there's nothing that we can't accomplish together. I also know, in my heart, that anything I set out to do for myself, I have all of the love and support I could ever need.... I love you, honey. <3
Here's all of the great advice I got on my wall..... it's all very blog-worthy......
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
Ladies.....
I'm thinking about a blog.... can you please give me your best piece of
advice for young women. Something you learned the hard way, maybe?
Something you feel EVERY woman should know....and I'm talking to ALL of
my FB ladies! What's the one rule that all women should live by? — with Tonya Helm-Wagner and 38 others.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
it's been a while.....
Well.... it certainly has been a while since I've sat down to blog. There has been A LOT going on! No time to write (or read....two of my favorite activities!) Between working full time, planning a wedding, and being a busy mom of six, there's just not enough time in the day. However; I have the summer off, thanks to choosing a profession where summers off is one of the perks, and an amazing husband who is working hard, so I can relax and enjoy my kids... All. Summer. Long.
Of course, the kids will spend some time with their dad, but while I've got them, they have swimming lessons and basketball camp, and we plan to swim, play, and enjoy our time off. Christian is studying in London this summer....well, I don't know how much "studying" there will be, but they do call it, "studying abroad" so that's what I'm going with. Nick is sort of a traveler right now. He goes between here, Indiana, and Kentucky. One never knows where he might pop up. He and Taylor just spent the weekend with us, and I thoroughly enjoyed their company. Maddie is home with me right now, and I can't wait to do girly things, because when she's gone, I'm alone with a big bunch of boys!
While I really enjoy my "me" time writing, and drinking coffee in the morning, I really have no idea what direction to take this blog. I got so much feedback last summer when I was pouring out my heart about my ex, and all of his shenanigans, and how horrible that felt. But to tell you the truth, I have nothing left to say about that. I was in a different place last year, and I needed to write to heal. It worked. I have nothing bad to say about anyone. I have no "shocking" stories left. I know that my writing may still irritate certain people, but I really have no idea why. I guess people who thrive on drama will always look for drama.
I am so incredibly content right now....life is just good. We just had the wedding of the century! I swear I could not have imagined that day, or entire weekend any better. We were surrounded by friends and family, and you could just feel the love. The cocktail hour, the ceremony, the dinner, the music, the cake, the dress....it was all perfect... AND... I got to marry the guy who calls me princess, tells me I'm beautiful and makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY..... and what's even better, is knowing that that will never stop. Despite everything I've been through, I still believe in love. I still believe in romance, and I still believe that true love doesn't fade.
Besides marrying my best friend, the best part of our wedding was being able to see friends and family that we haven't seen in ages. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. I love every single one of you who were able to come and be a part of our special day....and the icing on the cake? I have a new sister. Shanon's sister, Sheri, brought her family. It was the first time we met. I love her already, and as an added bonus...she has the most adorable kids. My new nieces and nephew, Christopher, Abigail and Lillian. How exciting is that? I cannot wait to make a trip to South Bend and spend some quality Aunt/Niece time together....I've already promised pedicures! (I've also promised Christopher, who showed up in a Notre Dame jersey, that he was going to be getting some ORANGE in his wardrobe!)
I've had a whirlwind couple of years..... a lot has happened...some good, some bad, some horrible, some great.... but the truth is, I'm settled in to my new normal. I'm settled into my new life and my new marriage. I'm just at peace....finally. Will things always be even keel? Never! But right now, I'm taking time to enjoy life....do some much needed things for myself, and plan the next chapter.... master's degree? Buying a house? Yep.... all in due time. Right now I'm just an at home mom, enjoying her kids this summer.....
P.S. I'm trying to include our slideshow from the cocktail hour in this blog....please enjoy (cross you fingers that I can get this to work) ;)
http://youtu.be/_JTbTddbCFI
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
<--- actual wedding shoes :):)
Of course, the kids will spend some time with their dad, but while I've got them, they have swimming lessons and basketball camp, and we plan to swim, play, and enjoy our time off. Christian is studying in London this summer....well, I don't know how much "studying" there will be, but they do call it, "studying abroad" so that's what I'm going with. Nick is sort of a traveler right now. He goes between here, Indiana, and Kentucky. One never knows where he might pop up. He and Taylor just spent the weekend with us, and I thoroughly enjoyed their company. Maddie is home with me right now, and I can't wait to do girly things, because when she's gone, I'm alone with a big bunch of boys!
While I really enjoy my "me" time writing, and drinking coffee in the morning, I really have no idea what direction to take this blog. I got so much feedback last summer when I was pouring out my heart about my ex, and all of his shenanigans, and how horrible that felt. But to tell you the truth, I have nothing left to say about that. I was in a different place last year, and I needed to write to heal. It worked. I have nothing bad to say about anyone. I have no "shocking" stories left. I know that my writing may still irritate certain people, but I really have no idea why. I guess people who thrive on drama will always look for drama.
I am so incredibly content right now....life is just good. We just had the wedding of the century! I swear I could not have imagined that day, or entire weekend any better. We were surrounded by friends and family, and you could just feel the love. The cocktail hour, the ceremony, the dinner, the music, the cake, the dress....it was all perfect... AND... I got to marry the guy who calls me princess, tells me I'm beautiful and makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY..... and what's even better, is knowing that that will never stop. Despite everything I've been through, I still believe in love. I still believe in romance, and I still believe that true love doesn't fade.
Besides marrying my best friend, the best part of our wedding was being able to see friends and family that we haven't seen in ages. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. I love every single one of you who were able to come and be a part of our special day....and the icing on the cake? I have a new sister. Shanon's sister, Sheri, brought her family. It was the first time we met. I love her already, and as an added bonus...she has the most adorable kids. My new nieces and nephew, Christopher, Abigail and Lillian. How exciting is that? I cannot wait to make a trip to South Bend and spend some quality Aunt/Niece time together....I've already promised pedicures! (I've also promised Christopher, who showed up in a Notre Dame jersey, that he was going to be getting some ORANGE in his wardrobe!)
I've had a whirlwind couple of years..... a lot has happened...some good, some bad, some horrible, some great.... but the truth is, I'm settled in to my new normal. I'm settled into my new life and my new marriage. I'm just at peace....finally. Will things always be even keel? Never! But right now, I'm taking time to enjoy life....do some much needed things for myself, and plan the next chapter.... master's degree? Buying a house? Yep.... all in due time. Right now I'm just an at home mom, enjoying her kids this summer.....
P.S. I'm trying to include our slideshow from the cocktail hour in this blog....please enjoy (cross you fingers that I can get this to work) ;)
http://youtu.be/_JTbTddbCFI
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
<--- actual wedding shoes :):)
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