Well....
Obviously my blog was removed. I took it down, not because it's what I wanted to do, but because I was trying to make peace. Peace with my ex, and peace with my kids, so that I could find peace in my life. I didn't want to be the cause of drama... as it turns out, if people want to be upset about something, they will be.... there will always be a reason. I'm not the cause of the unhappiness of other people. In fact, I spend my days trying to make others happy. Not just my kids, or my fiance, but the kids I teach, and the people I work with. I like people to be happy. I like to contribute to that whenever I can. I don't write to cause grief, or unrest. I don't write to embarrass people or cause strife. I write because it makes me feel good. I write because it makes others feel good. Over the last few months, I've noticed that there is no less drama without my blog, I just don't have a place to vent, and that's not really fair. So, I've tried it both ways, and based on results, I'm going to write. Not every day, I don't have the time, but weekly, anyway. Because it's good for my mental health, and because I think it's good for your mental health, too. I've had so many people ask me about my blog. I know it's been missed....
Quick recap.... I'm engaged.(Yay!) More about this in the next entry. I'm working.(Yay again!) More about this soon. I'm enjoying life, and finding reasons to be thankful each day. I am generally a "thankful for what I have" person, and I'd rather find reasons to be happy, than reasons t be pissy. It's taken 40ish years to get to the point where I realize I can't control any one else, all I can do is control myself. I'm so much happier and less stressed when I realize that I am not responsible for the moods and reactions of others.
Danielle and I still have a strained relationship, but we love each other very much. What I would say to her, if I could make her hear me is this, I love you with all of my heart. I understand you are not happy with the man I've chosen, but number one, you have to manage your own life, and let me manage mine, and number two, there's not a person on this planet that could make me stay away from you, or ruin my relationship with you. You could have married Charles Manson, and I'd be right there for you the entire time, loving you every moment of every day. But I realize it's taken me lots of years of life's experience to get to this place in my like. I used to be a control freak, I used to think my ish was so together, that I could fix everyone else's. I used to be judgmental, and critical. It only takes life kicking your ass one time, to realize that you really only need to manage your own life, and not be judgmental of those who are trying to manage theirs the best they can. I would tell my young daughter that love is all we need. Ever. Love is all that matters. There's no time in this life for hate. It's just a waste of energy.
Christian is in the Philippines with Danny. Yep, he's meeting his 22 year old step mother. I sent him with my blessing. I want him to have fun. I want him to see the world. I never want it to be a contest, or for him to feel he has to choose. I don't want that for any of the children. Christian is a young man now, and the love and pride I have for him are indescribable. Christian got good grades at Parkland last semester. He will be home for Spring semester, and is hoping to study abroad this summer. I hope he gets to. He is a very adventurous kid, and I want him to see the world before adulthood kicks him in the ass.
Nicholas is transferring to Ivy Tech in Terre Haute. He plans to transfer into Indiana State as soon as he can. I will miss him terribly, but I understand young love. He and Taylor are very serious, and I've even heard them talking about being engaged. I love Taylor, and I think she's good for Nick. (She will kick his butt if he doesn't study this semester!) Nicholas is 18 now. I remember being 18.... you think you've got it all figured out....oy. With Nick's 18th birthday being in December, I realized that I have raised 50% of my children to adulthood.... wow.... how old am I???
Maddie is currently here, with mom. I love her so much, and I hate it when she's in KY with her dad, but she's at the age that I don't have a lot to say about it. She has split her time between Danny's and here, and because of that she's currently home schooling. She's getting ready to start driver's ed, so that should keep her in IL for a while. ;) I'm watching her grow into a young lady, and I want to be there for her, I want to be her role model that ushers her into womanhood. I think a young woman needs her mother. I think she not only feels responsible for her father, I think she also really enjoys being an "only child" when she's with her dad. I hope that as she grows and matures, she realizes that her fathers pathologies are just that. I hope she doesn't internalize his issues, I don't want her to believe that what he's done is right or normal or acceptable on any level. I want her to grow into a healthy, happy adulthood.
Stret is playing basketball for Judah, and he is loving life. Ahhhh, to be in junior high. His life is typical, 7th grade, and that's just the way I like it. School, friends, basketball, youth group.... easy breezy. His grades are all A's and B's, and he got everything on his Christmas list. What else could he ask for???
What's better than 7th grade? Kindergarten!!! Eli is loving life. He's a great kid, loving school, video games, going to Stret's ball games. He loves having Maddie home, and he's had a great day any time he gets to spend time with all or most of his siblings.
I enjoyed time with my parents over Christmas break. They are two of my favorite people on the planet, and they are really just the epitome of good people. They have been happily married for almost 43 years, and they set a good example for all of us who are still trying to figure everything out.
I know writing this sets me up for certain things, like pissiness from my kids, like the fact that my life is grocery store fodder for bored housewives, and like the fact that if my ex find this again, he may retaliate.... but again, this is for me. I missed it while it was gone. I do the best I can every day to be a good and positive person. I do the best I can for my kids. I live the best life I am capable of every day. I don't think that blogging my personal thoughts can hurt anyone else. You do you, and let me do me....
Hope your Holidays were Merry and Bright :):)
Happy New Year!!!
Life is short. Buy the shoes ;)
