kidformation

Why isn't there some kind of an informational manual that comes with kids? Each one is so different, that even as a mom of 6, I have no clue what I'm doing from time to time.  Newborns? Easy. Toddlers? Piece of cake. Preschoolers? Give me a hundred! School age? Yes... I've got 'em figured out. Teenagers? Hit the brakes!!! There are times I'm not only left speechless, but actually dumbfounded.


My firstborn was the easiest kid in the world. I was a teenage mom, and I think God decided to take it easy on me. She slept from day one, always followed the rules, got her organizational skills from her mother, and never broke a curfew. I'm not saying that during her teen years there weren't hormones, and a normal amount of back talk and eye rolling, but all in all, she was a dream from birth through adulthood.


Then I got a wild child. Baby number two.... a free spirit with a good heart. A compassionate, loving brother and son. A bright eyed, light hearted, gorgeous boy with a devil may care grin, who learned very early on that a wink and that smile would get him out of trouble quick. He is the exact opposite of me (and my first born). He's not exactly a rule follower, but as he's quick to remind me, the rules he breaks are "harmless". He's not exactly what I'd call organized, but he seems to be able to keep his act together, make it to class on time, and meet his deadlines. He was always busy, always moving. Never a dull moment. He's funny and entertaining. He's even keel, but when you finally have burned his extremely long fuse, LOOK OUT.


These two are like night and day...and their siblings are everything and every emotion in between. Some who are extremely motivated, some who are more laid back, one with a frightening temper, and one who never gets mad. Some who are neat and organized, and some who's lack of organization is actually noteworthy. Some who's grades are super important, and some who don't care as much about grades as they do about sports. Some who want to please mom, dad, and teachers, and some who are more interested in pleasing themselves.  Some who will go with the flow, and some who are so stubborn they make a mule look cooperative.

With so many personalities, it's hard to always say or do the right thing, as a parent, all the time, for each child. Even as adults, it's tough, at times, to remember that they all need something different from me. At age twelve or 13 they still need guidance and to be corrected, at times, but by age 20, all they really need is some sound advice. It's times like these, when as a parent, it's hard to know if you're saying or doing the right things.


Give me a toddler all day long. Even my kindergartner is still so easy. It's love, hugs, snacks, baths, kisses goodnight, repeat as needed. Little kids are still so innocent. But the older they get, the tougher parenting becomes... it doesn't even stop when they are adults, because at that point, you get to figure out how to have adult relationships with your grown children. Oy.  I just wish I had a manual for each child. I wish there was some kind of flow chart, complete with a script. (If they do A, then you say, "B")

 It's so tough to watch them transition into adulthood, and not want to impose your own values, etc. onto them. When, in reality, all you can do is hope and pray you raised them with the right morals and values to get them through in their lives. I know that watching my "wild child" transition into adulthood has not come with out growing pains for both of us. But I need to realize that my time for molding and correcting is done. We are moving into a new phase of life, one where he's an adult, and I get to stand back and watch him flourish. I know that he still needs mom and dad, like all college kids do, but it's time for me to take a back seat, and let him manage his life without a lot of noise form the peanut gallery.

I know I've raised great kids. Are they struggling right now dealing with a divorce? Of course, but will they bounce back, tougher than ever? Yep! I know they will all get back to their roots. They will all remember their upbringings. Childhoods when we worked before we played. We loved God, our family, and one another. We showed respect for adults and ourselves. We loved our neighbors as ourselves. I know I imparted all of these lessons to my kids. I know that, as adults, they will remember these very important tenants in life. This is how they were all raised.

So while some are rule following, and some are free spirited, they have all been given every ounce of my love, and all of the wisdom I have to impart. I have laughed till I've cried, and loved till it hurt. I have given, and continue to give all I have to give. I love my six more than words can even come close to expressing. I know that I still make mistakes, and I forget how sometimes harsh words can hurt a sensitive heart, but when I'm harsh, it's out of love. If I didn't care, I wouldn't waste my time trying to correct. I wouldn't spend a minute of my day teaching, showing and reminding... It's really so much easier not to.....


I know I have lots to work on, as a mom. I pray for patience and wisdom, as a mother, all the time. I try to always do what's right for every kid. But, God help me.... 25 years, and 6 kids later....I'm still a work in progress.....



Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

life, love, and everything in between...

I just deleted an entire blog about finding joy in the little things...it was so cliche. Really, Tracy? Have you gotten so watered down that you're talking about finding joy in things like butterfly kisses and hot chocolate on a cold, snowy night?

Here's what I'd really like to blog about, and I'm going to have to say, pardon me, if it offends anyone...

First of all, let me just say, that I am truly happy to have my own life. It's a life I've chosen, it didn't just happen to me. Granted, it's still a work in progress, but  it's mine. I'm a working mom, working on a new career, and more education to make that career viable. I'm engaged to be married, and it's a thoughtful process this time, not just kids playing house.

I think I'm doing very well at being in a relationship, and working and balancing my kids' needs. I have a very supportive fiance who, God knows, does more for me and the kids, than any man should ever have to, but the bottom line is, he is not their father. Right now, I feel like their father is falling short, and they do not want anyone else to pick up the slack. As a family, all I really required of him was to make the money, and play with the kids, but now, we are no longer a parental unit, and he is flailing terribly.  I know the kids hate reading the details of their lives in this blog, so I won't go into detail about how he is failing as the non custodial parent, but suffice it to say that as the custodial parent, I am not happy. I feel like he is failing each and every child in one way or another, and I'm sure he has things he can say about my parenting, but I'm here, and I'm doing everything I can, every day.

I could make a list a mile long of what he could and should be doing, but his answer to everything is to wire them money. Missed your birthday? I'll wire money. Haven't seen you in months? I'll wire money. Oh hey.... I think I'll head to Asia AGAIN, instead of pay for braces or have visitation....but, I'd love to wire you money before I go.  His idea of wiring $100 here or there is so that the kids stay happy with him through his downfalls as a parent.

He has had more vacations and time with his mail order bride, then I can even explain to you, while Shanon and I are here, doing the hard part. And PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have my kids here, but I know they would love to see their dad more than once every 2 months. I know that some of the attitude we get from the kids is their misplaced irritation that they don't see their dad enough, and when they do, there is no planning, or warning. It makes no difference what I have planned to do with them, I get an email that says, "I'm taking Stret tonight and tomorrow night."  What am I supposed to say to that? Of course he wants to, and should see his dad, but does anybody care what I had planned with him? At that point, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  My idea of being a quality parent, and his are definitely two different things. I'm working my ass off as a substitute teacher to pay for Christian school, and basketball, and braces, etc while Dr. Dad takes vacations and buys new cars and tells the kids that their child support is breaking him....riiiiiight. I'm sorry, but it is irritating as hell, to be working as hard as I work while he is constantly running off to play.


Anyway, I'm not going to let the nonsense of having a ridiculous ex ruin my spirits. Even on this cold, gray, snowy day in the dead of winter, in the Midwest, I am happy as hell to have my kids to hug and to hold. Even if we're home today, because the little boys are sick, I'm taking advantage of the snuggle time. I'm going to give my kids an extra hug, I'm going to spend time loving and reading and enjoying the gift of  motherhood. I wish all parents could see the gift they were given. They grow up so fast. Take the time. Hug your kids. In a blink, they'll have their own families and you'll be wondering where the time went.

And one more thought..... tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I know that to some, this holiday is just a made up, Hallmark, holiday. It's a thorn in the side to men, looking for the perfect gift. It's hell to single women wishing for roses and chocolates, but really, it's a day to celebrate love. All kinds of love... don't hide from the chance to say "I love you"... a Valentine to your kids, or your mama.... a special heart shaped treat for your dog.... it's about love.... not lovers. Everyone should take a moment to say "I love you", tomorrow....

...and those of us with a hot date with a hot guy this Friday night won't rub it in ;)

I love you....you all know who you are ;)

Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

a few things.....

Well, my "me time" got cut short. The second grade teacher I'm subbing for had her baby, so I had to go back to work sooner than expected....babies can be so selfish! ;)

So, I'm back to work, and extremely grateful for my job, but there were a few things on my "to do" list that didn't get done.... oh well...it'll all be there waiting for me the next day off I have...whenever that may be. Because all of you moms know, that a weekend is not actually a day off. There are practices, and games, and laundry. There are chores, and errands and homework.... and most of all there is time for our loved ones. Date night, church and family dinners.... those are the good things. So my next day off? At home, just me? For chores, and jobs and lists??? Who the heck knows! Maybe sometime in May....maybe not.

So, over the weekend, there was more wedding planning! I can't believe how fast it's moving! We are down to the little details now, which is good. I'm so blessed to have a very involved fiance, a wonderful mom, who wants to be super involved in everything, a great sister, and the most awesome wedding planner over at the wedding venue. I cannot tell you how easy this planning has been. I'm not stressed at all, and I've only had one "Bridezilla" moment when a guy at the hotel told my sister my wedding was not happening at their hotel on Memorial Day Weekend..... WHAT?! Don't worry, I straightened him out VERY quickly.

A few of you have asked me about my ex.... and to tell you the truth, I really don't know much. We have not communicated since around Thanksgiving. About the time he came to pick up the kids, and destroyed my Christmas decorations, not giving any thought to the fact that they were for his children, I was done. At that point, we had been speaking in a friendly manner, mainly because I was biting my tongue in order to create peace, and I finally realized, with one swift kick of my Christmas decor, that it is never going to matter how friendly I am, or how much I bite my tongue..... he is a selfish child, and he will never be anything other than a selfish child. There's no reason for us to speak anyway, the kids can arrange their own visits, and my attorney can take care of the rest. I never want to have another conversation with someone who will go out of his way to try and make me as miserable as he has made himself.

As far as I know, his Filipino bride is still waiting for her fiance visa. From what the kids have said, Miss Mail Order will be here, possibly next month, and there will be a wedding in Hawaii. This is the extent of the info I have on that topic....and really, you all seem to care a heck of a lot more than I do! So there.... that's it on the ex.

I have so many friends that are going through hell and back in their marriages right now. I don't know why it seems like everyone is going through rough times. Why now? Statistics have shown that the divorce rates rise when the economy takes a dive, but I'm not sure how that relates to my friends' marriages. For the most part, everyone has stable jobs and bank accounts, etc.  One thing I do know is that all of us were close in age, had been married for twenty-ish years (give or take) and have more that two kids. Something that happens, when you start having three, four, even five kids, is that you lose time as a couple. You start to put the kids ahead of everything, out of necessity. There are so many kid related activities, that by the time you get to have time for your spouse, you're too flippin tired to care.

Everyone wants to be the world's best parent, but what you need to realize is that if you don't make time for your marriage, your kids won't have that stable family that you're trying to create for them. As a mother, I was always Super Mom, but as a wife, not so much. I was a good wife, as far as the day to day, take care of the house, the laundry, the kids, etc, but I didn't make much time to be with, or take care of my husband. Our time together always revolved around the kids, and by the time we realized we needed to make time for us, as a couple,  it was too late.

Am I blaming myself for his incessant cheating? Absolutely not. That was his choice. Instead of turning to me and saying, that he wanted to go out on a date, he just went out on a date.... with some hussy. Instead of turning to his wife and saying that he needed me, he called 1-800-dial a blonde.... I'm not excusing his behavior, but as someone who's been there, my advice is this, make time for your spouse above all else. Your spouse is the most important person in your life, he will be there when the kids have moved out. He will take care of you when no one else can. He will love you above all others...forever.... and the only way that you can both be there for your kids, together, is to nourish your marriage.

 Your kids are so important, but they really have to come a very close second to your spouse. You may have to say no to driving 4 preteens to the movies on a Friday night, so you can have a date every now and then. You may have to set bedtime an hour earlier so you can have some "grown up time" after the kids are down for the night. You may have to say no to spring soccer, so that you and the hubs can take  ballroom dancing lessons together.....whatever it is, you're not depriving your kids.....you're giving them the parents they need. You're giving them the parents who managed to stay in love with one another...forever.


Maybe I didn't know that before. Maybe all I wanted to be was Super Mom, but at least I can share what I've learned. I always want to be a great mom, but I'd also like to be as in love as I am right now, every day for the rest of my life, because it's a great feeling... and now I know I'm never going to lose that because of life getting in the way....




Life's short. buy the shoes ;)

today is my day.....

Home again today....love it! Miss being home so much! Of course, after a couple of weeks, I'm sure I'd miss being in the classroom...... maybe. I think half days would be perfect for me....with full time pay, of course.

I have a few chores to do today, then I'll run, then Maddie and I are spending the afternoon together. Yay! Then it will be time to pick up the boys, do homework, dinner, driver's ed, and off to bed..... seems like this week is flying by. I'll be back to work on Monday. I'm covering maternity leave for a second grade teacher, who's class is directly across the hall from my fifth grade class. This should be a fun assignment. The kids seem so little. I love that age. This assignment will take me almost all the way to the end of the year. Once the classroom teacher gets back, it's no more work for Tracy till Fall. The classroom teacher is coming back for the last week or two of the school year, and I'm taking off for full speed ahead wedding mode. I'm sure the last week or so before the wedding will be crazy.

I promised, in this blog, to talk about my engagement and wedding plans, and haven't really done that yet. There always seems to be something more pressing to cover. But today is February. The wedding is in May. There are soooooo many things to do. We have a list, it seems, ten feet long. We sort of piddled around last fall..... booking the venue, choosing the menu, buying the dress..... but since New Year's we have kicked it into high gear. Planning every weekend. Buying glass for the candy station, ordering invitations, booking the musicians, ordering dresses and tuxes.... the last time we were in the bridal shop, I found a headband that I could not live without. It's the fanciest, most expensive headband I've ever seen...but it screamed "Bride" and I totally needed it!


All of this planning is super exciting! My mom and sister seem equally excited.....my mom seems like she's going to pee a little every time we get to go shopping for the wedding. I am so blessed to have her by my side for all of this. As a bride, I cannot imagine doing all of this without my mom.

One thing that I have realized through all of this wedding planning, is that this is my day. (Mine and Shanon's.... but you know) ;)  I'm doing exactly what I want to do. I don't have to worry about what anyone will say, or think. All I'm thinking about is how I want that day to be. Our wedding day means so much to me. It's a day that one chapter closes, and a new one begins. It's our do over. It's our, "if only we had...." It's not just one day, but at the end of that day, I'm married to my best friend.

After all I've been through, I never thought I'd be married again.  I never thought I'd trust again. I never thought that someone who loved me so long ago, would still feel that love for me so many years later, through so many twists and turns in our lives. After all we've been through to get here, that day will be a celebration of love, chance, fate and faith.....


I wish that everyone who I love and hold dear to my heart could be at the wedding. Shanon and I have decided to have an intimate wedding. Only inviting those we love, and who love us. No random people from work. No friends of friends. No parents' bosses (because we have to.) Just people who know us, know our story, and love us. We are inviting those of you who will share your love with us on our special day.  It will be small, but very special. There is no room for skepticism or disdain. There won't be a table for anyone who feels "obligated" to come. There will be no table for meanness or haters. There's not room for ill will or disrespect. This is a celebration of love. The room will be filled with love and happiness. Joy and peace. That's all. We want to start our lives together, the way we will live.... surrounded by love.

Maybe a few people, who I love more than words can express, will come around and want to support me and show their love for me on my special day (just like I have always done for them)... and maybe not. Either way, I'm going to be ok, because this is my day. It's not about anyone else. Just me, and the man I love... ready or not, Mr. Patterson.... ;)



Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)