My firstborn was the easiest kid in the world. I was a teenage mom, and I think God decided to take it easy on me. She slept from day one, always followed the rules, got her organizational skills from her mother, and never broke a curfew. I'm not saying that during her teen years there weren't hormones, and a normal amount of back talk and eye rolling, but all in all, she was a dream from birth through adulthood.
Then I got a wild child. Baby number two.... a free spirit with a good heart. A compassionate, loving brother and son. A bright eyed, light hearted, gorgeous boy with a devil may care grin, who learned very early on that a wink and that smile would get him out of trouble quick. He is the exact opposite of me (and my first born). He's not exactly a rule follower, but as he's quick to remind me, the rules he breaks are "harmless". He's not exactly what I'd call organized, but he seems to be able to keep his act together, make it to class on time, and meet his deadlines. He was always busy, always moving. Never a dull moment. He's funny and entertaining. He's even keel, but when you finally have burned his extremely long fuse, LOOK OUT.
These two are like night and day...and their siblings are everything and every emotion in between. Some who are extremely motivated, some who are more laid back, one with a frightening temper, and one who never gets mad. Some who are neat and organized, and some who's lack of organization is actually noteworthy. Some who's grades are super important, and some who don't care as much about grades as they do about sports. Some who want to please mom, dad, and teachers, and some who are more interested in pleasing themselves. Some who will go with the flow, and some who are so stubborn they make a mule look cooperative.
With so many personalities, it's hard to always say or do the right thing, as a parent, all the time, for each child. Even as adults, it's tough, at times, to remember that they all need something different from me. At age twelve or 13 they still need guidance and to be corrected, at times, but by age 20, all they really need is some sound advice. It's times like these, when as a parent, it's hard to know if you're saying or doing the right things.
Give me a toddler all day long. Even my kindergartner is still so easy. It's love, hugs, snacks, baths, kisses goodnight, repeat as needed. Little kids are still so innocent. But the older they get, the tougher parenting becomes... it doesn't even stop when they are adults, because at that point, you get to figure out how to have adult relationships with your grown children. Oy. I just wish I had a manual for each child. I wish there was some kind of flow chart, complete with a script. (If they do A, then you say, "B")
It's so tough to watch them transition into adulthood, and not want to impose your own values, etc. onto them. When, in reality, all you can do is hope and pray you raised them with the right morals and values to get them through in their lives. I know that watching my "wild child" transition into adulthood has not come with out growing pains for both of us. But I need to realize that my time for molding and correcting is done. We are moving into a new phase of life, one where he's an adult, and I get to stand back and watch him flourish. I know that he still needs mom and dad, like all college kids do, but it's time for me to take a back seat, and let him manage his life without a lot of noise form the peanut gallery.
I know I've raised great kids. Are they struggling right now dealing with a divorce? Of course, but will they bounce back, tougher than ever? Yep! I know they will all get back to their roots. They will all remember their upbringings. Childhoods when we worked before we played. We loved God, our family, and one another. We showed respect for adults and ourselves. We loved our neighbors as ourselves. I know I imparted all of these lessons to my kids. I know that, as adults, they will remember these very important tenants in life. This is how they were all raised.
So while some are rule following, and some are free spirited, they have all been given every ounce of my love, and all of the wisdom I have to impart. I have laughed till I've cried, and loved till it hurt. I have given, and continue to give all I have to give. I love my six more than words can even come close to expressing. I know that I still make mistakes, and I forget how sometimes harsh words can hurt a sensitive heart, but when I'm harsh, it's out of love. If I didn't care, I wouldn't waste my time trying to correct. I wouldn't spend a minute of my day teaching, showing and reminding... It's really so much easier not to.....
I know I have lots to work on, as a mom. I pray for patience and wisdom, as a mother, all the time. I try to always do what's right for every kid. But, God help me.... 25 years, and 6 kids later....I'm still a work in progress.....
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
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