As you know, I have two daughters myself, one married, and one still in those very scary teen years. I can give them all of the advice I have to offer, I can show them right from wrong, and I can tell them what I've learned from my mistakes, but the bottom line is, you have to walk your own path. You have to make your own choices, good and bad, and you have to live with the consequences.....and sometimes, bad choices make the best learning experiences.
I think as mothers, sisters, aunts, friends....we need to impart as much wisdom as we can, not only while our girls are young, but all the way throughout the different ages and stages of life. I know when all else fails, Mom is always there. Even when I was going through things she couldn't even imagine going through (because my Dad is a good man and would never hurt my mom) she was still there with the comfort only a mom can offer.
Here's the bottom line. You start off "adulthood" thinking you know it all. Thinking you are going to take life by the horns. Thinking that you are unbreakable....and then, after a little heartache, a little disappointment, and a lot of hard work, you figure out who you really are.
The first time I got married I was so young. I thought that love was all we needed, much like the Beetles song.... the problem with that concept is that BOTH parties have to feel that way. I was told I was too young, I didn't listen. I was told we'd never make it, which only added fuel to my fire. But one person can't do it alone. You cannot have a partnership....let alone a marriage.... with only one interested partner. This is where, the "trust your gut" and "know who you are" advice comes into play, however; you can't "know who you are" when you're still a kid. You haven't figured it out yet. I had no idea "who I was" when I was 16 or 17. You can't begin to understand the consequences of your choices until you have a full formed frontal lobe... TWENTY-FIVE, people!!! That's when you start to be able to reason, and use logic...25!!!! No one should marry before that!
As women, we don't really have a good understanding of who we are, and want we want and need from a partner until we are in our 30's. I know there are no hard and fast rules, and I know that there are plenty of you who married young, and it's true love, and everything worked out great....but you can't tell me it was easy. Marriage is sometimes tough, and you really need to have not only love, but also an understanding for who you are as a person, and a mutual respect for your partner. That's what will carry you through the tough times. That and a very strong commitment to the relationship.
The first time around, for me, I never felt respected. I didn't realize what that even meant when we were first married. But my mom's words ring in my ears, "If he respects you, he'll wait." She was right. There was never that respect. It didn't mean anything to me, until I knew who I was, and I knew that I deserved respect as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman.
There were so many things lacking in my life that I didn't even realize until I went through a lot of heartache, and an immeasurable amount of pain.... but I came through it with a good understanding of what I'm made of.... who I am....and what I want and need. And what have I learned? My best piece of advice? Always respect yourself, even when you don't really know who you are, or what you want from life, respect yourself, and others will have that same respect for you. It's a start....
It hasn't been an easy journey, and I'm still working hard to get where I want to be in life, but I now have a husband who will never let me down, and who will always support me. Having a mature relationship, based on love first, but also mutual respect and a strong sense of commitment is so different from what I've had in the past. It's an amazing feeling, and it's totally empowering. I feel like there's nothing that we can't accomplish together. I also know, in my heart, that anything I set out to do for myself, I have all of the love and support I could ever need.... I love you, honey. <3
Here's all of the great advice I got on my wall..... it's all very blog-worthy......
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
Ladies.....
I'm thinking about a blog.... can you please give me your best piece of
advice for young women. Something you learned the hard way, maybe?
Something you feel EVERY woman should know....and I'm talking to ALL of
my FB ladies! What's the one rule that all women should live by? — with Tonya Helm-Wagner and 38 others.
