Family...

This is my first holiday season as a Patterson. Although, I believe we sent Christmas cards to Shanon's family last year, meeting them for holidays was not in the cards. We were in the thick of wedding planning, and time and money were at a premium. The fact of the matter is, Shanon hadn't spent the holidays with his family in years...enter Tracy...hahaha! Now he's got his family and my crazy family to deal with...for all the holidays :):) I know he wouldn't change a thing (well, except maybe to have my kids be more on board, but everything in it's own time...) Shanon is no longer a single guy, on his own program...he's a family guy now, doing family things...Ha! And while I'm sure this is a big adjustment for him, I cannot tell you how excited I am to have  another sister, and brother and more nieces and another nephew! More kids! Yeah!

My sister and I, being the only two kids (seven years apart) with only one first cousin, craved more family with whom  to share birthdays and holidays... we did our best to re-populate the family, and we did a darn good job! Nikki has some great sisters-in-law that I consider my "almost-in-laws" and I was able to maintain a relationship with some of my in-laws from the ex's family. In fact, this year I really feel closer to my sis on that side, than I ever really have, and I'm thankful for that relationship. (So many were lost in the divorce, I'm thankful that we were able to negotiate our friendship despite everything.)

I'm also extremely thankful that Shanon's family has accepted me as their own. What great people! I love them so much, and I love that while planning our family Christmas, Sheri sends me emails that say, "Hey, sis!"  I have a new sister, and I cannot express to you how that feels. This holiday season I am so happy to be able to celebrate with my new family.

The thing is, family is a fluid entity.... I never ever thought about that as a kid. As a kid, it was mom, dad, Nikki, and I. We were blessed with both sets of grandparents (although, Dad's dad died before my birth, so insert Aunt G as the second "grandparent" on that side). We also had great grandparents, and an Aunt, Uncle and cousin. That was our family. I didn't realize that would ever really change, until as I got a little older, we started to lose grandparents, and great Aunts and Uncles.


As the older ones started to pass, other things changed, I got married (enter in-laws).  More loved ones passed, Nikki got married (enter more in laws, and more and more and more kids). Kids are born, loved ones pass, people come and go, as in-laws, and suddenly the family doesn't resemble what you once knew.

I was reminded of how dynamic families can be this weekend,  not only with the joy that having a new sister brings, but also the strain that some new family members can bring. I was in the position to approach a situation with grace and humility. I did my best to mend what might be considered a sticky situation, and I dug down and found a reason to be thankful for my kids' step mother.  I know that I have been hard on the new Mrs. Beal in this blog, but I have to say that she has been kind to my kids, she has taken care of their laundry, and deals with their messes at her house without any complaint (at least not when anyone is around) ;) I appreciate all of that.  This weekend, when giving the kids to their dad, I noticed that Eli's suitcase was in the trunk of his dad's car....where it had been for a couple of months. No wonder he had been coming home in exactly what I sent him in! Geez! Poor kid! Here I tried to make things easy on everyone by sending enough clothes down to his dad's house, so we wouldn't have to send a bag every time he went, and the darn thing was still in the trunk 2 months later! So...what did I do? I decided it was time to talk to the step-mother. After exchanging pleasantries, I asked her if she would please see to it that Eli's clothes came inside the house, and if she would make sure that he was showered and changed into clean clothes when he was at their house. She politely agreed, putting her arms around Eli.

Even six months ago, this may have been tough for me, but I realize that I should be thankful that Eli has another adult in his life who cares about him. I should be very thankful that he has a step-mother who is willing to help take care of him when he's at dad's. (God knows his dad needs the help). She and I may never be the best of friends, but maybe we can learn a mutual appreciation for one another. It's an amazing feeling to let go of the bullsh*t, and just be appreciative of what each person in your life has to offer. (And when I say that, I do not mean in a material way...I mean to just appreciate what God given gifts and talents each person has to offer.) If I can accept their step-mother as part of their family, and therefore, and extension of mine, we are one step closer to living in harmony. Our family has changed forever. It's not what I ever expected, but these are now our family's dynamics. My children have step-parents. That's reality. Let me be the one to show the kids what acceptance and appreciation are. Maybe it's a small step, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

I know that it seems like such a simple concept, it's the circle of life, but when you really sit and look at your family, and reflect on how it's changed, I hope you look at each person with love and understanding. Things will change. Life is a journey. Sometimes you choose your family, and sometimes they're thrust upon you. Either way, it's a blessing. Family is a blessing. Period. I'm counting my blessings.

Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

Sad, Mad or Hurt?

There are some things in life I find extremely unfair.....yeah, yeah yeah, I know..."Life ain't fair!"  But that stinks.....

I just wish that everything was fair all of the time. I wish karma was faster. I wish that nice guys always finished first. I wish that being a good person was more appealing that being a jerk. However; that's simply not always the case....and being angry about that doesn't even help.

When I was a young, fiery twenty something, I would just pop off, and tell anyone what I thought. If you didn't share my viewpoint, you were wrong. If you didn't agree with me, you were clearly an idiot. In the case where you pissed me off, or wronged me or my family (in my eyes) I had no problem making your day miserable.... but over the years I lost that fire.

I think it was a combination of maturity, and just learning that all that really did was make things worse. It didn't matter so much with a lousy waitress, poor customer service, or frustrating bureaucracies, but it did matter in my personal life. Yelling made things worse in my marriage. Screaming hurt people's feelings, bitching made me seem.... well....bitchy. Being stubborn and having to have things my way was not a very attractive attribute, and even when I really had something to be made about, like catching my then husband using my credit card for internet porn, screaming and yelling about it only made the situation worse.

I'm not sure if I was trained by a narcissistic jerk to just relent, or if I finally just realized that I felt better, inside, if I could remain calm in the face of adversity....

I've been thinking about this lately, because frankly, I'm pissed. I'm pissed at how unfair this situation is....still is...and has no real end in sight. Not about all of the things my ex did that ultimately led to divorce, and breaking up a family. I'm over that. I'm really not even mad at him anymore. I've worked through all of that. I've really just moved on. Oh sure, there will always be unanswered questions, but they are just questions that no one can really answer...not even him, so there's no reason to dwell on it. Sh*t happens.

What I find so completely unfair and hurtful is the fact that even now, two years later, there are still people who I love very much, and would only even want the best for, who still cannot manage to be happy that I'm finally happy. I'm still fighting the same battles....and I'm pissed. But I feel like I'm not allowed to be pissed...like I wouldn't be a good person if I just said, "I AM SO PISSED!!!"

That said, I know that anger comes from hurt, and what I am is hurt, but there are days when I'd just like to be pissed. Yell, scream, and hand out punishments, like grounding people! But I can't.

I have been loving, understanding and respectful. I have given time and space, but it's what you do with that time, and no one is trying to heal. People are perfectly happy saying that this just is what it is....well, I'm sorry. That's just not fair, and it's not right. Not after what I have gone through to get back to a happy place.

For several years of my life, I was miserable. I cried myself to sleep, I couldn't eat.... I knew that life, as I knew it, was over. I knew that our family would never be the same. I knew there was absolutely nothing more I could do about it, because I had tried for years. I would think that seeing such a change in me.... now I can eat, I can sleep, I feel good, I'm happy...I'm not just going through the motions everyday...I'm living every day...and not just for my kids, but also for myself....I would think that would be enough for people who love me to say, "hey...ok...maybe we don't like your choice, maybe we don't like the situation, but we love you and we're here for you and we will always be here for you." Unfortunately, that just hasn't happened.

Why am I so hurt, mad, pissed? Because of this unwillingness, to change, or get help, or talk through it, or whatever needs to happen... I may never be able to celebrate the holidays in my home, with my husband, and all of my children together...and that not only stinks...it hurts!!! To make matters worse, I'm told that I "chose this" ?!?!?! What??? I never chose this.

First of all, how can you choose who your heart loves? Second, I did choose to get married, but I'm not the one choosing to separate my family into categories.... ok, I can be with the kids, but not my spouse... oh, now I can be with my spouse, and some of my kids.... oh, now I can be with everyone except a couple of the kids...it's like a never ending puzzle, how to figure out holidays and special occasions. Add to that, the fact that I have to share the kids with their dad...it's a cluster of vast proportions....no, this I didn't choose.

Bottom line, we are past the fact that our family crumbled from a divorce. We are past the fact that Mom's remarried....it's time to work on our new relationships. It's not just going to happen....it's obviously going to take work.  In the last couple of years, we should have grown as a family. So many things have happened to strengthen our bonds. So many trying times, should have given us the resolve we need  to say that nothing will ever come between us...

That's what I want to hear... nothing will ever come between us...we are too strong a family to let things come between us...if I say it enough, if I pray it enough...maybe it will eventually be so..... for now....I'm putting together the pieces of the puzzle....but I need help.

Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

Giving Thanks....

So SOMEONE (cough cough...Stacey...cough) has sort of asked me to start blogging again...and I had been thinking about it, but just hadn't sat down to do it.... well..... Stacey....ARE YOU HAPPY???

There's been so much going on since I last wrote, I don't even know where to start. There's so much swirling around in my head (and heart) right now I don't know where to begin. But Thanksgiving is coming up, so being Thankful is always a good place!

I am so Thankful that I have a job in Mahomet schools....not full time, but at least I'm working and meeting people, and have my rather large"foot in the door", so to speak, :):)

I am Thankful to be able to work in my kids' schools, and be home when they get home. I'm thankful to have such a fulfilling job, a job that I can actually see the kids learning, and the little light bulbs in their brains going on!

I am thankful for happy, healthy children. I love each and every one more than words could ever express, and 4 out of 6  have consented to coming home for Thanksgiving despite the "step parent issues" that still exist. (More on this later....but not in my "Thankful" blog.) Right now I will say that I am Thankful to be able to host my entire family for Thanksgiving.

I'm Thankful for my parents. So many people my age have lost their parents, and I am so thankful that they are still here to not only celebrate the holidays, but just to be in my life daily. Love you mom and dad.

I'm thankful for my sis and brother in law and all of my crazy little nieces and nephew. I'm even thankful for the "almost in-laws" I have in Jason's family. Love you all!

I am thankful that I am healthy and happy, and went through a horrible, trying time in my life, and am still here to talk about it, no worse for the wear, just older and wiser..... and I am very thankful for my best friend, the man who helped me through it. I am thankful for Shanon, my husband. No one really realizes what he does not only for me, but also for the kids every single day. I can honestly say, as the person who takes care of everyone, all the time, I have never been taken care of by another human being (aside from my parents, obviously) the way that he takes care of me every day, and I know that I don't say thank you enough to a person who always puts me first. So thank you, baby. I love you.

Now.... I guess that I should say that although I'm thankful for all I've been given, I am still struggling with certain relationships. I don't want to call anyone out specifically, or make anyone mad, so I'll just say that I'm constantly praying for healing for my family. I really thought that by now, we would be healed, as a family, and moved on, but again, I guess it's not meant to happen on my timeline. God will answer my prayers in His time...I just wish he'd hurry up!!! I don't know what else to do, other than pray....

As I'm writing this blog, so much is flowing into my mind...but for now I want to give thanks. I am so grateful for all that I have..... another day, another blog.... I will catch everyone up on life in Tracy's world....but today I am just Thankful..... and I'm thankful for my many friends, and the lives my writing has touched.

Even when life is not perfect, we have so much to be thankful for...not just in November...but every day!!!!

Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

Peace, Love and Understanding....

that's how a dear friend of mine signs her emails....Peace, Love and Understanding..... that really says it all....

I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and believe me, I'm wearing my pink ;)  But it's also Bullying Prevention Awareness Month. In light of that, I thought I'd take a few moments and share my thoughts....

As a kid, I was tall, skinny and needed braces on my teeth..... we didn't have "bullying" laws....we didn't even consider the fact that bullying was a real issue among our generation, but if being called names, and being made fun of for your physical appearance is considered bullying, then I guess I was bullied. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming bullying for my less than stellar grade point average in college, I'm not trying to say that it took over my life, or depressed me to the point that I holed up in my room. I'm not blaming bullying for poor life choices, or low self esteem, I'm simply saying that, in reality, unless you were the most beautiful, or most popular, you have probably experienced some form of bullying.

Here's the way I see it.... even to this day, I have allowed myself to be bullied. I have, in the name of peace, allowed certain things to slide. I have learned to ignore, and I have grown a thick skin to name calling, screaming, yelling and intimidation. I am an adult. Unfortunately, there are people in my world who are bullies. One, in particular, but for the sake of peace, I won't name names. To this day, I am regularly assaulted by text, and internet. I am threatened and called names, whenever my bully takes a notion to do so.

In this day and age of Internet anonymity, bullying has become more and more prevalent. Cowardly people, under the cover of email and social networking are bullying our youth, and it doesn't stop there. I'm sure, by now, everyone has seen the video of the overweight reporter who was bullied by email. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLG5EmC2TsU She took a stand, and she made a good point.... if you are a bully, you are raising bullies. If you are home, using foul language, and calling people names, so are your children. If you are watching tv, saying, "look at that fat reporter" your children will go to school and call people fat.

I have seen this with students and children with whom I'm close. Admittedly, I have even seen this in my own children, at times. When children are raised in an environment where foul language, name calling, and intimidation are acceptable forms of communication, and a common way of dealing with issues and treating people, these kids not only believe that that is an acceptable way to act, but also do not even recognize that they are themselves becoming bullies.  Children raised in homes where bullying is the norm do not even understand that what they are doing is bullying. How can they? They see dad yelling, screaming and name calling. It becomes the norm.

To teach children that if you don't agree with someone, it's ok to call them names is an atrocity. To teach children that they do not need to be tolerant of the differences they might have with others is reproachable. To teach children that the way to deal with issues is to scream, yell, and name call, is not only a disservice to them, but also to our entire world. Bullies raise bullies...what that means for us is that we won't have peace in our homes, schools, communities, or even the world, until we start living by example. We can't live and let live until we start practicing peace within ourselves. It starts with you. It starts with one person. It extends to all who you touch, everyday. When you have an inner peace, you exude that. You live it, your children learn it. They learn patience, peace, tolerance and understanding.

The ever elusive "world peace" that each and every Miss America Contestant longs for, starts with one person....you.

And while I do not claim to be perfect myself, with this problem of bullying becoming a national epidemic, I am making  a promise to myself and to my children to try to set a better example. One of peace, love and understanding.....


Life is short. Buy the shoes ;)

Respect yourself.....

A few days ago, I asked my Facebook friends to give me their best piece of advice. Something that they have learned from being a woman....maybe something that they learned the hard way.... There was a lot of really good advice on there.... there were things as simple as make sure you always have your cell phone charged, and always have a $20 tucked away for emergencies.  There were also very profound thoughts such as: "Let your life be the light that God has naturally intended it to be" and " Sometimes, finding out who you really are inside happens when you run out of easy options. When you face the hardest stuff is when you first face who you are."  One of my favorites was, " Always find time to laugh with your girlfriends."  I would invite you to go to my Facebook page to read the full list.....or maybe I can copy and paste it at the end of the blog..... either way, it's really worth reading. I enjoyed reading all of the posts, and I am still in awe of my many girlfriends, and what they have all learned and accomplished throughout their lives. 


As you know, I have two daughters myself, one married, and one still in those very scary teen years. I can give them all of the advice I have to offer, I can show them right from wrong, and I can tell them what I've learned from my mistakes, but the bottom line is, you have to walk your own path. You have to make your own choices, good and bad, and you have to live with the consequences.....and sometimes, bad choices make the best learning experiences. 




I think as mothers, sisters, aunts, friends....we need to impart as much wisdom as we can, not only while our girls are young, but all the way throughout the different ages and stages of life. I know when all else fails, Mom is always there. Even when I was going through things she couldn't even imagine going through (because my Dad is a good man and would never hurt my mom) she was still there with the comfort only a mom can offer. 




Here's the bottom line. You start off "adulthood" thinking you know it all. Thinking you are going to take life by the horns. Thinking that you are unbreakable....and then, after a little heartache, a little disappointment, and a lot of hard work, you figure out who you really are.  




The first time I got married I was so young. I thought that love was all we needed, much like the Beetles song.... the problem with that concept is that BOTH parties have to feel that way. I was told I was too young, I didn't listen. I was told we'd never make it, which only added fuel to my fire. But one person can't do it alone. You cannot have a partnership....let alone a marriage.... with only one interested partner. This is where, the "trust your gut" and  "know who you are" advice comes into play, however; you can't "know who you are" when you're still a kid. You haven't figured it out yet. I had no idea "who I was" when I was 16 or 17. You can't begin to understand the consequences of your choices until you have a full formed frontal lobe... TWENTY-FIVE, people!!! That's when you start to be able to reason, and use logic...25!!!! No one should marry before that!  


As women, we don't really have a good understanding of who we are, and want we want and need from a partner until we are in our 30's. I know there are no hard and fast rules, and I know that there are plenty of you who married young, and it's true love, and everything worked out great....but you can't tell me it was easy. Marriage is sometimes tough, and you really need to have not only love, but also an understanding for who you are as a person, and a mutual respect for your partner. That's what will carry you through the tough times. That and a very strong commitment to the relationship.


The first time around, for me, I never felt respected. I didn't realize what that even meant when we were first married. But my mom's words ring in my ears, "If he respects you, he'll wait." She was right. There was never that respect. It didn't mean anything to me, until I knew who I was, and I knew that I deserved respect as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman. 


There were so many things lacking in my life that I didn't even realize until I went through a lot of heartache, and an immeasurable amount of pain.... but I came through it with a good understanding of what I'm made of.... who I am....and what I want and need. And what have I learned? My best piece of advice? Always respect yourself, even when you don't really know who you are, or what you want from life, respect yourself, and others will have that same respect for you. It's a start....


It hasn't been an easy journey, and I'm still working hard to get where I want to be in life, but I now have a husband who will never let me down, and who will always support me. Having a mature relationship, based on love first, but also mutual respect and a strong sense of commitment is so different from what I've had in the past. It's an amazing feeling, and it's totally empowering. I feel like there's nothing that we can't accomplish together.  I also know, in my heart, that anything I set out to do for myself, I have all of the love and support I could ever need.... I love you, honey. <3


Here's all of the great advice I got on my wall..... it's all very blog-worthy...... 


Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies..... I'm thinking about a blog.... can you please give me your best piece of advice for young women. Something you learned the hard way, maybe? Something you feel EVERY woman should know....and I'm talking to ALL of my FB ladies! What's the one rule that all women should live by? — with Tonya Helm-Wagner and 38 others.

· · Share · Tag Friends

• Sue Haas, Laura Lenover Broderick and 3 others like this.
• • 

    Katie Palmer Lainhart You are a lot stronger than you ever could imagine you could be. Don't ever let anyone take that from you. Everything happens for a reason, you may not see it at first, but there is a reason.

    June 8 at 8:55am · · 3
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    Deb Probasco Shonkwiler never lose who you are for anyone or any circumstance, stay true to yourself, your beliefs and your morals.

    June 8 at 8:56am · · 4
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    Trysta Jeanette Horton Never forget who you are deep in your core. If you get lost, go back to the beginning, back to the core. If you don't know what your core is, do some self-searching and find out who you are. Once you know who you are, no one can change you. Not peer pressure or a man, not style or jobs, not kids or even death. And when life throws you loops, and it will, you will be rock solid in who you are to stand firm. Good luck!

    June 8 at 8:58am · · 2
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    Angela Beal All women should have balls.

    June 8 at 9:13am · · 4
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    Tracy Haas Patterson I do.....they're on my chest ;)

    June 8 at 9:14am · · 4
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    Cindi Beal Always keep some degree of independance for yourself!

    June 8 at 9:20am · · 4
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    Nikki Jason Haas Reynolds Hmm 1. God will not bring something to you that you can not handle. HE knows how strong you are even if you don't. 2. Don't do something if you can not handle whatever comes next. 3. Family is the most important thing, they will always be here for you. 4. There are many types of families what is normal for one isn't for another. 5.After you have kids your whole life and way of thinking is different. God answers all prayers, some answers are just no and not right now.

    June 8 at 9:22am · · 6
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    Katie Palmer Lainhart Always find time to laugh with your girlfriends.

    June 8 at 9:22am · · 5
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    Nikki Jason Haas Reynolds Oh and always stand up for yourself and don't back down ;)

    June 8 at 9:22am · · 5
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    Charlyn Charlie Hester Sometimes, finding out who you really are inside happens when you run out of easy options. When you face the hardest stuff is when you first face who you are.

    June 8 at 9:33am · · 4
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    Dina Shepard Williams My biggest mistakes have happened when I did not listen to myself, my gut, intuition... However you describe it for yourself. I always tell my daughter that she knows herself better than anyone else, and her advice for herself should be most important.

    June 8 at 9:48am · · 3
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    Holly Vice You can do anything on your own. Don't believe anyone who tells you that you can't.

    June 8 at 9:51am · · 3
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    Paige Gettinger Twer ‎1. You know what's right. You know what's wrong. Now, do what's right. 2. Stand up for what is right...even if you are standing alone. 3. You can never be responsible for someone else's happiness. (Believe me -- I spent years stressed out because I was trying so hard) 4. No matter what you do, I could never love you any less -- or any more than I do.

    June 8 at 9:53am · · 3
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    Tracy Haas Patterson I could not agree more about not being responsible for someone else's happiness.... as women we want everyone happy....we really have to learn that it's not our job.... every person has to be responsible for their own happiness....you can't "make" people happy....

    June 8 at 9:56am · · 6
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    Tammy 'Cole' Baird Believe in yourself, do not wait on others to believe in you. 2. Be able to make yourself happy. Do NOT rely on others for your happiness you will never be satisfied (just learned this a few yrs ago) 3. Be a leader, not a follower. The followers always end up tainted, torn and burdened (learned this the hard way as well). 4. Know that when you are doing the right things the one's who aren't truly respect you even though they don't say it or show it. 5. Know that you are beautiful and beauty goes more than just skin deep. XO

    June 8 at 10:18am · · 3
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    Jeannie Filicsky Play nice. Follow your gut instinct. Be responsible for your own happiness. Always have a hidden $20 in your wallet for emergencies. Keep your girlfriends close to your heart.

    June 8 at 11:10am · · 5
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    Jeannie Filicsky And buy the shoes ;)

    June 8 at 11:10am · · 6
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    Laura Lenover Broderick Always keep God #1 in your life. Put your trust in Him and he will always lead you in the right direction. Fully trust and believe in how much He loves you and never waste time worrying about what others think of you. Acknowledge your mistakes, believe that you have been forgiven, forgive yourself and keep the past in the past. Always remember that your life is made up of choices. You can choose to be happy and seek and give joy. Bloom where you are planted and the happiest people are those that are happy and content in their circumstances, whatever they may be. God has bigger dreams and plans for us than we can ever imagine. Don't limit yourself by trying to plan everything without His input. It's not about the destination - it's about the journey. When you're in the midst of a bad situation, remember this too shall pass and keep your head up and don't miss the lesson. Love others as He loves us. Life works the best when you take the focus off of yourself and put it on those around you.

    June 8 at 11:28am · · 5
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    Gretchen Pfeifer-Chantos Every woman should have enough money saved up and stashed away in case of an emergency.... for example u husband is cheating and u wanna pack up and leave because you realize he would never let u leave and take ur kids. Always be proactive and prepared.

    June 8 at 12:05pm · · 2
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    Benna Cunningham Be yourself. Plan for the future, live in the present. Love is all that really matters. It is truly that simple.

    June 8 at 1:35pm · · 2
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    Bird Bahnson Wow, that's all great advice!

    June 8 at 3:07pm · · 2
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    Susan Cunningham Judy Bloom said it best in "Forever" : "Once you go all the way, you can never go back to just holding hands."

    June 8 at 3:10pm · · 4
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    Lori Johnson Heil · Friends with Elaine Stone

    Don't count on another person for your happiness, you'll be disappointed every time!

    June 8 at 4:19pm · · 3
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    Julia Stockwell Reynolds ‎1. Don't cook fried chicken on a pizza pan with holes in it. 2. First the peanut butter, then the jelly. 3. Baking powder and baking soda are not the same thing.

    June 8 at 5:41pm · · 6
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    Sue Haas Always be truthful to yourself. Lies don't help you or anyone else. Never say you can't do something. You can do whatever you need to do. Don't start a fight but defend yourself if someone starts a fight with you. Be faithful to God. He knows what road you are to travel and willbe right there with you. Tell your loved ones everyday that you love them. They could be gone tomorrow. Don't hold a grudge it just wears you out and solves nothing. When you write down a recipe write down all the ingredients.

    June 8 at 7:49pm · · 1
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    Sue Haas If you are dating always have enough money on you to call home if it goes south. These days I guess you would need to keep your cell phone charged and with you..Never settle for someone just to have a man on your arm, wait for the real thing to come your way. Always have. 1/4 tank of gas in your vehicle,

    June 9 at 5:30am · · 4
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    Anneashtonmaddiemianna Sawyer · 6 mutual friends

    Let your life be the light that god has naturally intended it to be:)

    Tuesday at 7:42pm · · 3
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it's been a while.....

Well.... it certainly has been a while since I've sat down to blog.  There has been A LOT going on! No time to write (or read....two of my favorite activities!) Between working full time, planning a wedding, and being a busy mom of six, there's just not enough time in the day. However; I have the summer off, thanks to choosing a profession where summers off is one of the perks, and an amazing husband who is working hard, so I can relax and enjoy my kids... All. Summer. Long.


Of course, the kids will spend some time with their dad, but while I've got them, they have swimming lessons and basketball camp, and we plan to swim, play, and enjoy our time off. Christian is studying in London this summer....well, I don't know how much "studying" there will be, but they do call it, "studying abroad" so that's what I'm going with. Nick is sort of a traveler right now. He goes between here, Indiana, and Kentucky. One never knows where he might pop up. He and Taylor just spent the weekend with us, and I thoroughly enjoyed their company. Maddie is home with me right now, and I can't wait to do girly things, because when she's gone, I'm alone with a big bunch of boys!

While I really enjoy my "me" time writing, and drinking coffee in the morning, I really have no idea what direction to take this blog. I got so much feedback last summer when I was pouring out my heart about my ex, and all of his shenanigans, and how horrible that  felt. But to tell you the truth, I have nothing left to say about that. I was in a different place last year, and I needed to write to heal. It worked. I have nothing bad to say about anyone. I have no "shocking" stories left. I know that my writing may still irritate certain people, but I really have no idea why. I guess people who thrive on drama will always look for drama.

I am so incredibly content right now....life is just good. We just had the wedding of the century! I swear I could not have imagined that day, or entire weekend any better. We were surrounded by friends and family, and you could just feel the love. The cocktail hour, the ceremony, the dinner, the music, the cake, the dress....it was all perfect... AND... I got to marry the guy who calls me princess, tells me I'm beautiful and makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY..... and what's even better, is knowing that that will never stop.  Despite everything I've been through, I still believe in love. I still believe in romance, and I still believe that true love doesn't fade.

Besides marrying my best friend, the best part of our wedding was being able to see friends and family that we haven't seen in ages. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. I love every single one of you who were able to come and be a part of our special day....and the icing on the cake? I have a new sister. Shanon's sister, Sheri, brought her family. It was the first time we met. I love her already, and as an added bonus...she has the most adorable kids. My new nieces and nephew, Christopher, Abigail and Lillian. How exciting is that? I cannot wait to make a trip to South Bend and spend some quality Aunt/Niece time together....I've already promised pedicures! (I've also promised Christopher, who showed up in a Notre Dame jersey, that he was going to be getting some ORANGE in his wardrobe!)

I've had a whirlwind couple of years..... a lot has happened...some good, some bad, some horrible, some great.... but the truth is, I'm settled in to my new normal. I'm settled into my new life and my new marriage. I'm just at peace....finally. Will things always be even keel? Never! But right now, I'm taking time to enjoy life....do some much needed things for myself, and plan the next chapter.... master's degree? Buying a house? Yep.... all in due time. Right now I'm just an at home mom, enjoying her kids this summer.....

P.S. I'm trying to include our slideshow from the cocktail hour in this blog....please enjoy (cross you fingers that I can get this to work) ;)

http://youtu.be/_JTbTddbCFI


Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)

<---  actual wedding shoes :):)

For my mom....

Mom, You taught me all I know, not only about motherhood, but also about womanhood. I have watched you rejoice as a mom, a wife and a woman, and I have learned from you as you have persevered through the hardest of times. The example you've set for me as a wife and mother is unmatchable, and the model you've shown me as a wife is all but unattainable.

You are loving, patient and caring. You always put others first, but care for yourself enough to know your limits. You have raised two very strong women, who love you and try their best to be the same kind of mother to their kids that you are to them. You raised me, a stubborn child, an April baby with a diamond birth stone, and the sign of a Taurus. Did you have a clue what you were in for? My smart mouth got me in trouble more than once, but we usually ended up laughing. My stubbornness proved to be my downfall more than once but you always seemed to see it as an asset...which it has proven to be, many times. ( I guess you just have to learn when being stubborn can work to your advantage, and when you should let things go.)

 You have been my best friend, and my biggest fan. Your encouragement has seen me through the worst of times. You have literally never let me down...not one time. How many people in your life can you say that about? When my world came crashing down, and my life seemed to be falling apart...when I had no direction, you were my compass. Maybe you can't be all things to all people, but you are all things to the people who count.

 Whether I'm extremely happy and excited or overwhelmed and sad, my first thought is, "I need to talk to mom!" I don't think I tell you often enough how much you mean to me and to our family. I know there have been times in my life when I thought I had everything figured out, and I just took you for granted. I never want to do that again. I don't know how I could have gotten through the last few years without your love and support and now that it's time to celebrate happiness, I don't need anyone else by my side for the good times.

 Nikki and I couldn't ask for a better mom or grandma for our kids. We all love you and your unbending, never faltering, loving ways. Our kids are more blessed than they can even realize to have such a woman in their lives. Thank you, mom for always loving me, even when it was tough, and for always being the mom I needed every step along the way. I love you, mama....


 Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)