Family...

This is my first holiday season as a Patterson. Although, I believe we sent Christmas cards to Shanon's family last year, meeting them for holidays was not in the cards. We were in the thick of wedding planning, and time and money were at a premium. The fact of the matter is, Shanon hadn't spent the holidays with his family in years...enter Tracy...hahaha! Now he's got his family and my crazy family to deal with...for all the holidays :):) I know he wouldn't change a thing (well, except maybe to have my kids be more on board, but everything in it's own time...) Shanon is no longer a single guy, on his own program...he's a family guy now, doing family things...Ha! And while I'm sure this is a big adjustment for him, I cannot tell you how excited I am to have  another sister, and brother and more nieces and another nephew! More kids! Yeah!

My sister and I, being the only two kids (seven years apart) with only one first cousin, craved more family with whom  to share birthdays and holidays... we did our best to re-populate the family, and we did a darn good job! Nikki has some great sisters-in-law that I consider my "almost-in-laws" and I was able to maintain a relationship with some of my in-laws from the ex's family. In fact, this year I really feel closer to my sis on that side, than I ever really have, and I'm thankful for that relationship. (So many were lost in the divorce, I'm thankful that we were able to negotiate our friendship despite everything.)

I'm also extremely thankful that Shanon's family has accepted me as their own. What great people! I love them so much, and I love that while planning our family Christmas, Sheri sends me emails that say, "Hey, sis!"  I have a new sister, and I cannot express to you how that feels. This holiday season I am so happy to be able to celebrate with my new family.

The thing is, family is a fluid entity.... I never ever thought about that as a kid. As a kid, it was mom, dad, Nikki, and I. We were blessed with both sets of grandparents (although, Dad's dad died before my birth, so insert Aunt G as the second "grandparent" on that side). We also had great grandparents, and an Aunt, Uncle and cousin. That was our family. I didn't realize that would ever really change, until as I got a little older, we started to lose grandparents, and great Aunts and Uncles.


As the older ones started to pass, other things changed, I got married (enter in-laws).  More loved ones passed, Nikki got married (enter more in laws, and more and more and more kids). Kids are born, loved ones pass, people come and go, as in-laws, and suddenly the family doesn't resemble what you once knew.

I was reminded of how dynamic families can be this weekend,  not only with the joy that having a new sister brings, but also the strain that some new family members can bring. I was in the position to approach a situation with grace and humility. I did my best to mend what might be considered a sticky situation, and I dug down and found a reason to be thankful for my kids' step mother.  I know that I have been hard on the new Mrs. Beal in this blog, but I have to say that she has been kind to my kids, she has taken care of their laundry, and deals with their messes at her house without any complaint (at least not when anyone is around) ;) I appreciate all of that.  This weekend, when giving the kids to their dad, I noticed that Eli's suitcase was in the trunk of his dad's car....where it had been for a couple of months. No wonder he had been coming home in exactly what I sent him in! Geez! Poor kid! Here I tried to make things easy on everyone by sending enough clothes down to his dad's house, so we wouldn't have to send a bag every time he went, and the darn thing was still in the trunk 2 months later! So...what did I do? I decided it was time to talk to the step-mother. After exchanging pleasantries, I asked her if she would please see to it that Eli's clothes came inside the house, and if she would make sure that he was showered and changed into clean clothes when he was at their house. She politely agreed, putting her arms around Eli.

Even six months ago, this may have been tough for me, but I realize that I should be thankful that Eli has another adult in his life who cares about him. I should be very thankful that he has a step-mother who is willing to help take care of him when he's at dad's. (God knows his dad needs the help). She and I may never be the best of friends, but maybe we can learn a mutual appreciation for one another. It's an amazing feeling to let go of the bullsh*t, and just be appreciative of what each person in your life has to offer. (And when I say that, I do not mean in a material way...I mean to just appreciate what God given gifts and talents each person has to offer.) If I can accept their step-mother as part of their family, and therefore, and extension of mine, we are one step closer to living in harmony. Our family has changed forever. It's not what I ever expected, but these are now our family's dynamics. My children have step-parents. That's reality. Let me be the one to show the kids what acceptance and appreciation are. Maybe it's a small step, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

I know that it seems like such a simple concept, it's the circle of life, but when you really sit and look at your family, and reflect on how it's changed, I hope you look at each person with love and understanding. Things will change. Life is a journey. Sometimes you choose your family, and sometimes they're thrust upon you. Either way, it's a blessing. Family is a blessing. Period. I'm counting my blessings.

Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)