Here's what I'd really like to blog about, and I'm going to have to say, pardon me, if it offends anyone...
First of all, let me just say, that I am truly happy to have my own life. It's a life I've chosen, it didn't just happen to me. Granted, it's still a work in progress, but it's mine. I'm a working mom, working on a new career, and more education to make that career viable. I'm engaged to be married, and it's a thoughtful process this time, not just kids playing house.
I think I'm doing very well at being in a relationship, and working and balancing my kids' needs. I have a very supportive fiance who, God knows, does more for me and the kids, than any man should ever have to, but the bottom line is, he is not their father. Right now, I feel like their father is falling short, and they do not want anyone else to pick up the slack. As a family, all I really required of him was to make the money, and play with the kids, but now, we are no longer a parental unit, and he is flailing terribly. I know the kids hate reading the details of their lives in this blog, so I won't go into detail about how he is failing as the non custodial parent, but suffice it to say that as the custodial parent, I am not happy. I feel like he is failing each and every child in one way or another, and I'm sure he has things he can say about my parenting, but I'm here, and I'm doing everything I can, every day.
I could make a list a mile long of what he could and should be doing, but his answer to everything is to wire them money. Missed your birthday? I'll wire money. Haven't seen you in months? I'll wire money. Oh hey.... I think I'll head to Asia AGAIN, instead of pay for braces or have visitation....but, I'd love to wire you money before I go. His idea of wiring $100 here or there is so that the kids stay happy with him through his downfalls as a parent.
He has had more vacations and time with his mail order bride, then I can even explain to you, while Shanon and I are here, doing the hard part. And PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have my kids here, but I know they would love to see their dad more than once every 2 months. I know that some of the attitude we get from the kids is their misplaced irritation that they don't see their dad enough, and when they do, there is no planning, or warning. It makes no difference what I have planned to do with them, I get an email that says, "I'm taking Stret tonight and tomorrow night." What am I supposed to say to that? Of course he wants to, and should see his dad, but does anybody care what I had planned with him? At that point, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. My idea of being a quality parent, and his are definitely two different things. I'm working my ass off as a substitute teacher to pay for Christian school, and basketball, and braces, etc while Dr. Dad takes vacations and buys new cars and tells the kids that their child support is breaking him....riiiiiight. I'm sorry, but it is irritating as hell, to be working as hard as I work while he is constantly running off to play.
Anyway, I'm not going to let the nonsense of having a ridiculous ex ruin my spirits. Even on this cold, gray, snowy day in the dead of winter, in the Midwest, I am happy as hell to have my kids to hug and to hold. Even if we're home today, because the little boys are sick, I'm taking advantage of the snuggle time. I'm going to give my kids an extra hug, I'm going to spend time loving and reading and enjoying the gift of motherhood. I wish all parents could see the gift they were given. They grow up so fast. Take the time. Hug your kids. In a blink, they'll have their own families and you'll be wondering where the time went.
And one more thought..... tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I know that to some, this holiday is just a made up, Hallmark, holiday. It's a thorn in the side to men, looking for the perfect gift. It's hell to single women wishing for roses and chocolates, but really, it's a day to celebrate love. All kinds of love... don't hide from the chance to say "I love you"... a Valentine to your kids, or your mama.... a special heart shaped treat for your dog.... it's about love.... not lovers. Everyone should take a moment to say "I love you", tomorrow....
...and those of us with a hot date with a hot guy this Friday night won't rub it in ;)
I love you....you all know who you are ;)
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
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