So, I'm back to work, and extremely grateful for my job, but there were a few things on my "to do" list that didn't get done.... oh well...it'll all be there waiting for me the next day off I have...whenever that may be. Because all of you moms know, that a weekend is not actually a day off. There are practices, and games, and laundry. There are chores, and errands and homework.... and most of all there is time for our loved ones. Date night, church and family dinners.... those are the good things. So my next day off? At home, just me? For chores, and jobs and lists??? Who the heck knows! Maybe sometime in May....maybe not.
So, over the weekend, there was more wedding planning! I can't believe how fast it's moving! We are down to the little details now, which is good. I'm so blessed to have a very involved fiance, a wonderful mom, who wants to be super involved in everything, a great sister, and the most awesome wedding planner over at the wedding venue. I cannot tell you how easy this planning has been. I'm not stressed at all, and I've only had one "Bridezilla" moment when a guy at the hotel told my sister my wedding was not happening at their hotel on Memorial Day Weekend..... WHAT?! Don't worry, I straightened him out VERY quickly.
A few of you have asked me about my ex.... and to tell you the truth, I really don't know much. We have not communicated since around Thanksgiving. About the time he came to pick up the kids, and destroyed my Christmas decorations, not giving any thought to the fact that they were for his children, I was done. At that point, we had been speaking in a friendly manner, mainly because I was biting my tongue in order to create peace, and I finally realized, with one swift kick of my Christmas decor, that it is never going to matter how friendly I am, or how much I bite my tongue..... he is a selfish child, and he will never be anything other than a selfish child. There's no reason for us to speak anyway, the kids can arrange their own visits, and my attorney can take care of the rest. I never want to have another conversation with someone who will go out of his way to try and make me as miserable as he has made himself.
As far as I know, his Filipino bride is still waiting for her fiance visa. From what the kids have said, Miss Mail Order will be here, possibly next month, and there will be a wedding in Hawaii. This is the extent of the info I have on that topic....and really, you all seem to care a heck of a lot more than I do! So there.... that's it on the ex.
I have so many friends that are going through hell and back in their marriages right now. I don't know why it seems like everyone is going through rough times. Why now? Statistics have shown that the divorce rates rise when the economy takes a dive, but I'm not sure how that relates to my friends' marriages. For the most part, everyone has stable jobs and bank accounts, etc. One thing I do know is that all of us were close in age, had been married for twenty-ish years (give or take) and have more that two kids. Something that happens, when you start having three, four, even five kids, is that you lose time as a couple. You start to put the kids ahead of everything, out of necessity. There are so many kid related activities, that by the time you get to have time for your spouse, you're too flippin tired to care.
Everyone wants to be the world's best parent, but what you need to realize is that if you don't make time for your marriage, your kids won't have that stable family that you're trying to create for them. As a mother, I was always Super Mom, but as a wife, not so much. I was a good wife, as far as the day to day, take care of the house, the laundry, the kids, etc, but I didn't make much time to be with, or take care of my husband. Our time together always revolved around the kids, and by the time we realized we needed to make time for us, as a couple, it was too late.
Am I blaming myself for his incessant cheating? Absolutely not. That was his choice. Instead of turning to me and saying, that he wanted to go out on a date, he just went out on a date.... with some hussy. Instead of turning to his wife and saying that he needed me, he called 1-800-dial a blonde.... I'm not excusing his behavior, but as someone who's been there, my advice is this, make time for your spouse above all else. Your spouse is the most important person in your life, he will be there when the kids have moved out. He will take care of you when no one else can. He will love you above all others...forever.... and the only way that you can both be there for your kids, together, is to nourish your marriage.
Your kids are so important, but they really have to come a very close second to your spouse. You may have to say no to driving 4 preteens to the movies on a Friday night, so you can have a date every now and then. You may have to set bedtime an hour earlier so you can have some "grown up time" after the kids are down for the night. You may have to say no to spring soccer, so that you and the hubs can take ballroom dancing lessons together.....whatever it is, you're not depriving your kids.....you're giving them the parents they need. You're giving them the parents who managed to stay in love with one another...forever.
Maybe I didn't know that before. Maybe all I wanted to be was Super Mom, but at least I can share what I've learned. I always want to be a great mom, but I'd also like to be as in love as I am right now, every day for the rest of my life, because it's a great feeling... and now I know I'm never going to lose that because of life getting in the way....
Life's short. buy the shoes ;)
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