I will not be exhausted when helping Eli with his homework. I will actually enjoy listening to him read to me, instead of wishing he could go a little faster. Last night (after getting off early, and squeezing in a short nap) the sound of Eli's voice reading me a book actually brought a tear to my eye. It was the sweetest sound ever. I wish I had the time and energy every day to soak in the little things and take such great joy in each and every moment spent mothering.
I will take joy in cleaning my house, and feel a sense of accomplishment in this gift I can give to my family. Something that, at times, feels like an annoyance or an inconvenience. I will be rested enough to make dinner for everyone (whether they like it or not) ;) I will catch up on the laundry, and a good book.
I will run.... for myself. I will enjoy the beautiful weather we are having. I will get lost in thoughts and soak in the sunshine while I train for the marathon. This year, I'm part of a relay team, and I can't wait! I'm so blessed to be healthy enough to run, and to have friends who want to enjoy the experience with me.
I will run mundane errands, but I will be thankful that I have the time and resources to do so. (I'll probably treat myself while I'm out.) ;)
These are the things I miss about being an at home mom. The very things that I grew bored with while I WAS an at home mom. I took for granted the time I had to spend with my kids when I was able to stay home with them. (And so did they.) I realize, when I have time off, that this is my comfort zone. Being a homemaker. This is what I've done for 20 years. I take great joy and pride in taking care of my home and children. It's not an easy job, but it's so rewarding. As proud as I am of myself for going back to work, and for doing what I have to do to take care of my kids now, I still struggle with issues like, how do I spend enough time with everyone? How do I take care of the house, kids, etc. while working full time? How do working moms accomplish everything that has to be accomplished in a day?
At least I'm lucky enough to be in the field of education where my hours are similar to my kids' hours. At least I can stay home this summer and spend time with my kids while they're off. (Thank you, honey.) At least I can say that I've shown my kids that you do what you have to do, and working is a necessity, right now.
So, is my house spotless, like it used to be? No. Do I have to make choices like sleep or laundry? Yes. (Sleep always wins.) Do I let things go, like sweeping and mopping? Sometimes. I don't run everyday, and I don't take as many bubble baths as I used to, but I get all of the important things done each day. Ball games, homework, and hugs are at the top of the list. My kids' needs are still first, and I'm still a distant second, but I have a wonderful fiance, who always puts me first, and who makes sure I'm taken care of,even when I don't have time to take care of myself.
So today will be, running, writing, and cleaning..... tomorrow more of the same? Probably. I'm thankful to have the time to sit and write. It's good for my soul. I'm taking full advantage of these few days off, because next week, it's back to the craziness of being a working mom.....
Life's short. Buy the shoes ;)
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